Best things in the world Argh! boats, girls and shanties

I sailed in a force 9 and I sailed in no wind. That's called skills. Rightly so as, as they say, smooth seas do not make skilful sailors. In force 9, as long as you stay in a marina, make sure that you have at least a bottle of wine per person and crack them open. In no wind and rain pissing down just pretend that you're sailing, do a little dance, sing a little song, crack a joke and life will be what life should be about - a hell lot of fun.

These guys on the picture made my last weekend an amazing experience. We do not know each other from cradle but we were in the same boat an no matter how cold and wet I was I knew that they can make me laugh. And they did make me feel good.
That's what the sea does to me - I stop worrying about all the unnecessary stuff that preoccupies me on land and I know who is a good companion and who will back me up when I need it.
I get no crap for sleeping with wrong people, nor for sleeping with right people, nor for anything I do and I do love these breaks. On land things evolve into unnecessary dramas for no matter how treacherous is the sea, a woman will always be more so.

But one can't stay at sea forever and so I have returned to my port of call. And so the rapid thoughts of girls alike came rushing through my head and I wondered where to go next. Shall I stay low or am I out of the dog house now? But this is my life and my happiness I'm talking about. If I'm in a dog house may I at least be an Alfa dog?
A real sailor needs three things - a good tattoo, excellent sailing skills and a girl awaiting in a port. I have four pretty decent tattoos and I'm learning how to sail so there seems to be only one thing left to do. Visit ports to have a chance to meet the girl.
I might have been meeting wrong girls aplenty. Married girls, girls straight to their bones, girls with ex-girlfriends, girls with girlfriends.. I had them all. But it's okay, that was my force 9 or maybe that was my no wind. It's time now to trim that sail for there are fish in the sea better than have ever been caught. And one of them has my name on it.

So I could stay low and take no risk and no gamble. That would be life without stress. But life without stress is not a full life. A ship in the harbour is safe but that's not what ships are built for. A girl at home is safe but that's not what girls are made for.

This closet is really comfortable - can I stay here forever?

This is the truest story I've ever told you. And potentially one of the funniest ones. It happened to.. my friend. My friend D. D is a life-long lesbian and it only took her some twenty (sic!) years to figure that out.

D was always as gay as fairy dust. Just look at her. She's so camp she's pissing herself!

Yearbook looks something like that:

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. 
   
4. 
   
5. 
   
6. kisses the first girl (in a girls toilet in a kindergarten)
7. loves LEGO and Matchboxes
8. kisses a boy behind the bushes but really wants to slide down that hill with a girl from English class
9. first time gets naked with a girl (they were re-acting the movie; she says)
10. finds out where the babies come from
11. has a crash on a female character from Willow
12. wants to be a Red Indian, or a cowboy, or a commando
13. writes a story about a teenage character who has many adventures and some personal drama with a woman (it was called Emma and the only copy got lost)
14. starts playing with dolls, is always Ken and flirts with Barbie (and Jenny, and Cindy, and Jennifer, and..)
15. very loudly questions why marriage is defined as a relationship between a man and a woman
16. has a crash on and stalks female teachers aplenty
17. first time kisses a girl for real (and likes it a lot!)
18. adores Plato's theory of romantic love (check it out, it's so gay!)
19. is banned from Church for never wearing a skirt (euphemism?)
20. .. All those years nothing Clicked! Nothing at all. You would think that there were clues surrounding her on every step of her life. Clues knocking and banging on her head. But no, the information couldn't reach the brain. She now says that she was lacking the schema. She knew that gays exist and supported them a lot, just somehow the existence of lesbians escaped her totally.
    So the year had come when the Universe said 'Enough! Come out of that closet!'
    She goes on holidays with her (girl)friends and kisses them and makes out with them. (no Click)
    Upon return she visits one of the girls for a week and kisses her and makes out with her. (no Click)
    The girl's parents are afraid and make gay jokes to ease their fear. (no Click)
    Until one evening.. Friend is away. D is watching a gay movie. Friend's father enters the room, looks at D, looks at a screen, looks at D, says 'Of course!' and leaves.
    And CLICK! Finally!! Thanks heavens for that!
    D is stunned. D leaves the room. D stands in front of a mirror and looks at herself. And then, very slowly, she says 'I am gay!' (now, that's what I call an illumination!)

What happened in Wales stayed in Wales

Sometimes I wonder what had really happened in Wales. My memories play tricks on me, especially at nights, when I'm wide awake, unable to sleep.. But as a week has passed and I'm still alive I feel a little bit more optimistic about my survival. Maybe with time I'll get rid off that terrible fear that lives with me, maybe even I'll leave the house again one day.

These are true stories from one lesbian weekend away

The greatest mystery

On the first night Helen stayed in the cottage on her own for half an hour. She never told anyone what had happened while we were gone. In fact, she never said a word since.

What we found on our pillows on Saturday morning

A note saying 'You will die soon'.

Birthday present no-one admits to have given

Dead rooster and a voodoo doll.

The biggest dare

Clare had to run to the lake and back at night. We believe that she successfully fulfilled the task and only just for a joke never came back to the house.

The best recalled story

Vera had to leave Sicily and find a new home overseas to avoid her father's desperate plan that he laid after finding out that she was a lesbian. He was to cut her hair, dress her up in male clothes and announce on Sunday mass that a mistake was made when Vera was born and although pronounced a girl she was in reality a boy.

The moment everyone screamed

We were all dining on the second evening. Suddenly there was a loud noise and three shadowy faces appeared behind the window.

What freaked everyone out

On Sunday morning we discovered bodies of dead mice arranged in an arrow pointing towards the cottage.

On the way back home, during a break on M5 services, a pact was made. Confused by recent events but, at least physically, unharmed we decided to spread the word of a fantastic birthday bash that we had just attended. We learnt to speak of happy times, of games, jokes, food and harmony..

However, the real truth is darker than fiction. Not everything's gold that glitters..

Destiny

No matter what we say out loud about this, we all have and follow our destiny. Look deep into yourself and you shall see that your dreams and passions are pushing you along a way to... somewhere.

And destiny awaits on us on every corner. In the past half a year I've met four girls that I was destined to be with. 'Where are they now?', I hear you ask. Exactly!

So I ask the Universe: 'Why won't you let me find a girl, settle down. That's what I want more than anything else.'

And the Universe replies: 'For you're destined for more and you need to walk your path.'

I figured it out. In the nearest future I must sail the world. Maybe a girl would get in a way. Happy and with a girl I would probably quite comfortable sit at home watching TV all evenings long, I wouldn't care about discovering mechanisms of human brains' working, I wouldn't run a marathon to prove that I can achieve anything that I set my mind to, I wouldn't learn many things about people and the world.

In other words, if our destiny would always be fulfilled immediately and with hardly any effort we would be maybe happy but terribly stupid and foolish. For it's only when one picks oneself up from the ground and when one rubs off stubborn tears of one's cheek and when one fights and looses and starts all over again - only then one acquires that magical power of wisdom. And being wiser may be the whole point.

However while keeping those keen eyes open in search for paths to destiny don't get fooled by signs! Ah, how I love signs and how they usually do me wrong.. Among recent girls there was one that brought with her more signs than all other ones together. She had my mum's name and hight and she turned out to be just as wrong as my dad - I could not find anyone more suitable than that. Even every keyboard was shouting that we were perfect together! Signs were all around me so I figured out that she must be my destiny and I wanted her. And so I fell for her and she very quickly broke my heart and our paths parted. That was pretty much it. I was badly upset but with time I grew bigger and stronger, faster and leaner, I have new dreams and new dramas, new friends and new enemies and foolish as I am, I am also a little bit wiser than I was in November. And I like the feel of it.

What could possibly go wrong?

I spent last week at sea. Sailing is not all that bright in winter. At times I asked myself: why the hell am I doing that? Because there's something challenging and enchanting about simple presence of water and air, something that reminds us of infinity. And infinity is daring.

I boarded a yacht with an expression 'a girl in every port' on my face (and on my hoodie). Very soon those words were gone, they didn't matter. I didn't have a single sex talk in a week! Suddenly chasing girls seemed rather insignificant or rather really not worth that much of a thought in every single second. What mattered was a basic comfort - to be warm (or relatively warm), to have a full belly and a sound sleep. Once that was achieved my brain was popping up open and suddenly I could see that there is so much more to life. I kind of always know it but then I really knew it. Life is about dreams and dares and experiences. Girls can't give all of that in a full spectrum.

After return to my land rat life the first thing I heard from my friends was that they had a rather poor faith in me continuing to be on my best behaviour and were already betting when I was going to slut myself up or create yet another kabum!. Hey - even I know how to keep my head down. Sometimes one has to..

Now the exciting stuff. I'm going away for my friend's birthday this weekend. There are attractions aplenty planned, there's a road trip involved and many games and activities coming up. It's going to be legendary. However friends that are staying behind are foreseeing some kind of a drama. Why? That clearly must be jealousy speaking. Just think about it:

Nine lesbians go for a weekend to a secluded cottage in a remote valley.. What could possibly go wrong? :)