Mary-Anne is a bitch

This is a genuine story.
I met a girl and I liked her. I tried to ask her out and her answer was a constant 'maybe but no but maybe'. I thought
"Come on, it's either fuck yeah or fuck off, why is it so difficult?"
After a week she said
"It's awkward, maybe I'll explain one day. It's a no."
Weird but I let her be.
End of story. Not.

Some time later I found out unexpectedly and very randomly that she used to go out with my X. I confirmed the information at source.
"How bizarre," I thought, "it shouldn't be hard to say so if that was the case".
Then came a realisation - I was cock-blocked by my X! Peculiar for we are all lesbians but true. Maybe a bit funny, maybe a bit bitter. Universe, what do you do to me?!
Then another realisation came - I was probably the last idiot in the village to find out what that was all about. And I wondered how come no-one told me anything. It would make sense to talk to me!
So I asked my friend if she knew. And from the first reply I saw that something very bad would happen. And it did. I couldn't stop it. After all, I'm just a Pole and I do everything with my full heart. When I love - I love, when I fight - I fight. I asked for an information and all hell broke loose. Bang! I don't know why and I don't know how and looking back at what led to this I can only repeat one statement - not guilty of anything.
I am, however, sad and angry and broken. So, dear reader, please take a minute and think well of me. Maybe even have a little drink to my health. And listen with me to Regina, cause Regina makes everything better :)

LISTEN TO REGINA HERE

Those Things We Do For Love

Last Sunday saw me coming back from L Fest - a place full of lesbians, adventures, laughter and trouble (that was more of a personal thing than a general theme). I was happy but tired and maybe I couldn't control the train of my thoughts. Anyhow, three things popped into my head at the same time:

* I'm not really seeing many women recently since I got myself into a deep shit trouble last winter (see, here it is again!)... Maybe I should start dating more, after all I love meeting people and it always makes for a good story.

* Oh dear, I'm so glad that I live in times current. If I lived in old ages my sister would be dead! (She has a medical condition that needed XX century to be semi-tamed). Oh dear, maybe my whole family would be dead.

* Ha ha, I shouldn't probably say out loud how I came to a conclusion that if I was black (and had one of those full of meaning names like some Africans do) my name would be Charity.

And BANG. This was born in the depths of my beautiful mind - I shall go on a date with any girl that is going to support my chosen charity which supports people like my sister and tries to find a cure for their condition.
It's a three-way win-win-win situation. It's perfect!

Truth be told I have no idea how successful this endeavour might be and I can't predict whether anyone will be even remotely interested in participating in an adventure like that. But the thought was there and therefore I must give it a go. Nothing to loose, everything to win. Let's be amazing!

You can read my sister's story HERE (this is my lovely sister and I on a photo above)
And you can see my dating profile HERE (my photos are not XXX rated, you have to believe me)

Living The Dream - Intro

For a while now I was braving myself to start writing about one thing that appears to be a reoccurring motive in my life, thing that I believe to be the ultimate goal of human existence, thing that humanity searches for with a varying rate of success, a thing that many want and a few have. Please let me introduce you to Happiness.

Working definition: happiness is a positive state of inner peace and fulfillment.
I'm going to tell you that happiness is, like Lego, built of various components and hence it can be achieved and modeled by working on it's smaller parts. With a little bit of training, time and dedication anyone can find their way to happiness. It is not a chance and not luck and not outer causes that make happiness in us. It is due to our doing in the world and our interactions with it.

Most of the issues that I am going to mention have a rational and scientific background (do your own research if you wish). Some of them are universals, some are more culture dependent (I write all of this from a white, European perspective). Some might be completely wrong. All I have is my 33 year old wisdom, a sense of observation, a handbag of life experience and some psychology background. But I know that there is a pattern, that there is an easier way than blind walk, that many people strive for fulfillment and that some people are unhappy. I can only hope that someone will find this useful or even vaguely interesting. See what works for you, give it a go. And if nothing more, this is my challenge that I take upon myself to make my life more worthwhile, richer and happier than it was ever before.

As my ex-friend said once: Everyone has right to be happy.

Adventures at the North of the Pole(and)

As the plane lowered its flight braking through the layer of clouds we were enveloped by a sudden darkness.
'It's going to be like this throughout our stay. It's a polar night over here.' I whispered to one of our guests. His gaze was very uncertain.

We kissed a ground that we had landed on, as is a tradition in my homeland, and we started our journey through evergreen, stretched for miles woodlands. The next morning, when we arrived to a shore, we were welcomed by dunes, cliffs, singing sands and a blue, twenty degrees water. It was beautiful. But it was a first thunderstorm of the season that made the biggest impression on us all. It caught us in the evening, when we were back in the woods. More precisely, when we were reaching the highest peak of the area - the Bald Mountain (a well renowned witches meeting place). Thunders, lightning and a sudden downpour took us by surprise. There was no point in running and no point in hiding. The Universe showcased its power! Rapid, impromptu streams showed us a way down and led us to safety.
As I recall this events we have just returned from Hel. My feet are still on fire but it was totally worth the experience. That is however another story.

When I look at this polar land with eyes of a tourist it is a one amazing place.

On life of bears

[In a voice of David Attenborough]

When after a long winter sun warms up the surface of the Earth, all forms of life welcome the arrival of spring. For bears it's time to re-establish boundaries of their domains and to find new mates. But this natural task may sometimes become a more complex matter.

Let's look at this bear. Happily rumbling in the vicinity of its cave it suddenly realises that not one, not two, not even three, but four of its previous mating partners are inhabiting the very same valley.
Encountering an old mating partner is potentially very dangerous for any bear. To mention just a few risks it can cause a spread of infectious diseases which make an animal incapable of bonding with a new and potential partner, it can cause a temporary mental retardedness resulting in longing for and following old mates, it can also lead to a bloodshed and dramatically ruthless fights over the territory.

Having been following this particular bear for a while we know that so far it won all the confrontations due to its strength, stamina and vigour. We also know how peculiarly strong bonds it established with the animals that formed alliance with it. Whether a little tree frog, a fox or a wild boar these animals instinctively know that the bear is not only the ruler but also the protector.

In the afternoon sun the bear is spending its time playfully. Suddenly it stands on its hint legs and roars loudly. Its fur is shimmering in the light.

What you gonna do when they come for you?

And so for a month I have been a model citizen. High work ethic, some moral standards in a private life, doing one's bit for community... And thus I had nothing to relay that was cheap and dirty. Did it worry me? Hmm.. a little bit. I love cheap and dirty. Then on the other hand girls are stupid and they can't make gun noises.
I rather indulge myself in hanging out with my longboard, playing some piano and making Excel spreadsheets for pleasure. Once a week I may venture into town; if I'm particularly lonely one of my engaged friends does for my date.
My engaged friends are really cool - they don't trust me but they trust each other. Depending on which one is free I'm allowed to take her for drinks, dancing or to do something cultured. It's all about culture to be civilised. It's forbidden to kiss but we may hold hands, hold them where was never specified. Sometimes one of the girls stays at mine overnight. It is then my duty not only to feed her in the morning but also to make sure that she has a good night. At times we all hang out together but that is not so often for people get jealous.

I spent a considerate amount of time today thinking of a new topic for this blog. Since love and lust are clearly out of the picture the only remaining 'L' is life. And what can be made out of life? I earnestly think that I should make some amendments in my life attitude - be more friendly, see more good around me, commit all those random acts of kindness, find faith in humanity. Make life more worthwhile.
And as a first step on a journey to making my life richer and more awesome I have decided to start with accepting unexpected invites and being among people more. First opportunity arose immediately (as if the Universe was spying on me) and I got invited to visit a tall ship! Really, how cool is that?! Apparently I may even be invited to commit a journey on it. And that would be something for it is on my list and I longed for stepping aboard for
a while..

Best things in the world Argh! boats, girls and shanties

I sailed in a force 9 and I sailed in no wind. That's called skills. Rightly so as, as they say, smooth seas do not make skilful sailors. In force 9, as long as you stay in a marina, make sure that you have at least a bottle of wine per person and crack them open. In no wind and rain pissing down just pretend that you're sailing, do a little dance, sing a little song, crack a joke and life will be what life should be about - a hell lot of fun.

These guys on the picture made my last weekend an amazing experience. We do not know each other from cradle but we were in the same boat an no matter how cold and wet I was I knew that they can make me laugh. And they did make me feel good.
That's what the sea does to me - I stop worrying about all the unnecessary stuff that preoccupies me on land and I know who is a good companion and who will back me up when I need it.
I get no crap for sleeping with wrong people, nor for sleeping with right people, nor for anything I do and I do love these breaks. On land things evolve into unnecessary dramas for no matter how treacherous is the sea, a woman will always be more so.

But one can't stay at sea forever and so I have returned to my port of call. And so the rapid thoughts of girls alike came rushing through my head and I wondered where to go next. Shall I stay low or am I out of the dog house now? But this is my life and my happiness I'm talking about. If I'm in a dog house may I at least be an Alfa dog?
A real sailor needs three things - a good tattoo, excellent sailing skills and a girl awaiting in a port. I have four pretty decent tattoos and I'm learning how to sail so there seems to be only one thing left to do. Visit ports to have a chance to meet the girl.
I might have been meeting wrong girls aplenty. Married girls, girls straight to their bones, girls with ex-girlfriends, girls with girlfriends.. I had them all. But it's okay, that was my force 9 or maybe that was my no wind. It's time now to trim that sail for there are fish in the sea better than have ever been caught. And one of them has my name on it.

So I could stay low and take no risk and no gamble. That would be life without stress. But life without stress is not a full life. A ship in the harbour is safe but that's not what ships are built for. A girl at home is safe but that's not what girls are made for.